How I controlled my social media addiction
“If you’re going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don’t even start.” — Charles Bukowski
It is not easy to break an addiction, especially when you are oblivious about its impact. This is a particularly challenging situation where I knew what was impeding my growth rate, yet I didn’t want to qualify my actions.
To begin scripting this odyssey, I want to paint the context on why I started curbing my social media addiction and eventually alienating myself from the usage of the phone, limiting it to the minimal use required.
Oh No! Definitely I wasn’t inspired from the infamous drama Social Dilemma in Netflix — No. I don’t believe a single dramatic tv show illuminating the negative impacts of social media, which turned us into a commodity for these companies can ever make us realise how we consume non-sense like famished animals every day. The irony of the situation was that after a day or two, it was aired, my social media feeds were inundated with posts and stories, where my friends and colleagues were educating others “Why everyone needs to watch this!!” Needless to say, I wasn’t out of this hive also after I watched it.
The didactics of the program was entirely lost into rambling the message “I have seen it, did you?” and not “Enacting upon it” because, people were flummoxed more than ever now — “We have seen it, we understand what it is trying to convey, but what should we do about it now?”
So, the first question is, why do we really need to check our social media time? — I will insinuate to only a few factors which I felt relevant to myself and not delve into the depth of these factors, because that’s not the goal of this post.
As the pandemic hit our quotidian life like cold winter rain pattering the windowpane, we diversified our skills, in some cases, of course, explored into unchartered territories. I was a fresh graduate from my MBA at that time and was disappointed to know that the company which hired me postponed my joining indefinitely. The first few weeks were lost in apprehension because a complete lockdown of activities is not one can expect at least in the 21st century unless the aliens are bombing our airspace.
In a desperate and dire need to do something, I soon partnered with one of my college mates, and we were harnessing our skills in building comprehensive reports on how the pandemic is impacting business sectors, data extractions and publishing them in LinkedIn (you can check them out!). At the same time, I started working on my long-put desire of learning photography skills and mastering the crafts of Photoshop, Lightroom and Aftereffects.
But the flame was ephemeral as the much-shown alacrity was stymied by the growing frustration of being jobless and without money. So, where do you egress your frustration? — Social Media! — Oh, Yes!! The only place where everyone is all ears to your pain and wants to sympathise with your situation, but sadly no one wants to help! It took me less than a week, to entirely devote my heart to it — much quicker than my previous breakups!
The iPhone screen time is a beautiful feature if only one knows how to use it effectively — but I will come to that later. My screen-time averaged 10 -11 hours per day of which the top rankers were:
- Instagram, because I was posting my creativity fanatically there
2. Facebook, because I loved watching the non-sense clips
3. LinkedIn, where I was hopelessly searching for jobs
4. YouTube, which helped release my dopamine
5. Netflix and Prime Video were in competition with each other sending me notifications on which series best suited to my consumption behaviour — An app telling me what I preferred to watch!
6. Pinterest, because that’s the source of my photography inspiration
7. Tinder, where I was searching for a replacement of my broken heart — if the only one realises that relationships, love and trust are not build in WhatsApp or Tinder. Its an arduous process and those are the prizes of going through the process
8. And lastly, WhatsApp where I was still fighting with my ex while engaging in endless chatter on football with others (I don’t regret this at all!)
So, you see these virtual beings were dearer to me than mending broken relations or working on self- improvement. They are like a devious mistress who won’t let you go until you abscise them completely. They will put up a fight till the end — “We are sorry to see you go”, “Can you please tell us why you are deleting your account?”, “You can try deactivating for few days and then come back” — Yes, cunning, wily and extremely adept in keeping you glued to their services.
But it took me a while to hit the snag because another part of me was devoted to playing games. Along with the social media, the screen time was shared by games which I played literally even when I was shitting.
September 6th — Reincarnation Day
I was joking. The realisation doesn’t come like pizza delivery — It’s hard, painful and worth remembering. One point I noted from Social Dilemma was that — it gestates impatience leading to frustration and maybe depression in severe cases. Indeed, it does, but I only realised this when my frustration broke down upon my parents, and it was because I was failing miserably to do simple household chores. My body was not working in accordance with my mind, which was stuck somewhere else — “How did I lose the last game?”, “Why isn’t she replying?”, “only 50 likes in my last post!”
And then the hell broke loose one day. The words that came out of me echoed like a cannonball inside the room, leaving my parents shocked on what I was capable of saying. I won’t delve into the dramatic, moralistic and spiritual awakening afterwards and my penitence for this sordid action, but I will say what I realised.
Not getting enough likes? Shares? People are less interacting with your posts? Maybe you are not good enough then. Why am I not getting the replies back? What is everyone busy with? Am I missing out something or am I being left out deliberately?
These thoughts alienated me from myself, from my family, and even my dearest, whom I cared for and my solitary concentration was on improving my status and acceptance in a place where everything is as pretentious as the Prime Minister promising splendid economic recovery after covid!
I was in contrite and bitterly resented my actions. Undoubtedly, parents are “all-forgiving-creatures” on this planet who turns a blind eye to all your faults and accepts your shortcomings. But mine apart from being saintly censored their communications with me. Again — where do you speak consummately when you mistakenly realise that your parents are failing to understand you? — Of course, social media!
But I was supposed to learn my lessons, right?! Figure out why I was behaving erratically? — remember realisation is not pizza delivery! While I was beginning to pour my heart’s content of vituperation for a generation which fails to care for their child — I hit the snag! — I can write pretty decent, then why not write something good?
I found this platform where I can write to my heart’s content without being judged, and with a few of my best mates’ encouragement, I started writing. And I still remember the evening, I sat for 7 hours straight in my room locked, aching my back, writing my first story in this platform. I was not writing for appreciation, for likes or shares.
Instead, I was writing for my own contentment without seeking any validation from anyone.
Now its time to reveal my secrets of asceticism.
I have no clue about any such feature in Android phone and pardon me for my lack of knowledge, but if you have an iPhone, I can tell explicitly what to do. But before you follow this, be very sure you want this absolutely, because when you burn the bridge behind, your only way is forward.
If you want to live a hermetic life — secluded from social media like a lone ranger living deep inside the Amazon forest — thank you for reading till here, you don’t need to go forward as my suggestions will sound inane to you. But if you want to balance and weed out addictions — this might help you.
iPhone screen time feature allows you to hit your conscience, by showing how much of your time you are curtailing from productivity. With that being noted, let us proceed to how to use it. I was averaging 11 hours/day, and the feature effectively gave me the breakup of all the places I have been dwelling. Now it was time to measure my life in coffee spoons — I put a check on every social media app limiting my usage to only 1 hr/day. If I exceed my limit, the app will lock itself and will offer three options like a gene if I want to continue my usage –
1. “Allow for one more minute.”
2. “Remind me in fifteen minutes.”
3. “Ignore limit for the day.”
These situations are like the worst breakups, and you keep going back to your ex, asking for a reconciliation. But remember, this time you are the one who ditched this relation to find a better you. So, exercise the desire when you see those three options and make a prudent decision on how much exactly you need. The entire goal will be lost if you give in to your desires. In most of the times, I felt I was able to work effectively in the given time limit, barring a few occasions when I had to send an email urgently.
In movies, have you ever seen someone going to a battlefield, hunting an ever-elusive prey without backup? — Of course not! You need to be like Schwarzenegger in Predator! Never let your guards down!
So, I put up a second barrier. After 10 PM every day, a feature called downtime will be activated in my iPhone which will restrict my usage of all apps till 7:30 AM. YES! Let’s be brutal!
First time in 5 months, I was able to break my addiction of hitting the snooze button. It was 5 AM, dark inside my room; the faint morning light was casting shadows everywhere. I sat up straight when the alarm ring, put my feet on the ground and never went back. That was Day 1 of my Growth Project.
Our brain is designed to prevent us from doing anything uncomfortable and the few seconds I had between my eyes opening and my fingers touching the snooze button, I had to decide whether I want to go back to sleep or I want to get up and pee, drink a glass of hot water with lemon and get started!
Time for Action
Having, put up my defences strong now, I focused my attention on filling my vacant time. While I was growing up, I didn’t have internet, mobile phone, DVD player, cable connection and computer was like a distant Mars Mission dream. I had books. Ranging from thriller, suspense, murder, crime, non-fiction, comics, I consumed everything like a rabid reader. But the habit got circumscribed as more critical, and demanding jobs of adulthood started replacing it. So, I rekindled my old habit. I pride myself in the small library I build in my home, which houses close to 200 books of almost all genres.
Grow an effective reading habit. Why? — we really work in your best format when there is an incentive in it. You want to impress someone, but your conversation sounds like a half-chewed soggy insipid dog food? — Try some good vocabulary; you might do wonders. My pickup line is — “Oh girl, you are an epitome of pulchritude!”. Not that it sounds cheesy but the air of bewilderment you cast upon the other with your ostentatious vocabulary will leave them Googling the word for next 2 minutes, and no doubt impressed later.
My top authors are — Lee Child, Dan Brown, J.K Rowling, Tom Smith, John Green, Jojo Moyes, Chris Carter, Simon Kernick, James Patterson, Paulo Coelho, David Baldacci, George R.R. Martin, Lisa Genova, Bill Bryson. Most perfunctorily I will pick up philosophical or motivational or informational read once in a blue moon, as I have found they don’t inspire me at all. Instead, I will search for my own motivation. Nevertheless, few authors have left me with immense veneration for them like Simon Sinek and Michael Lewis.
For the record, if you have eschewed from reading Harry Potter all these times thinking it’s a kid’s fantasy, I beseech you to read once. I have never read such mind-bending novel till date, and also J.K Rowling has brilliant acumen and deploys efficient use of vocabulary in her writing.
The second messiah for me was photography. No, I didn’t run into the wild with my camera and landscape in my eyes. I stayed inside to avoid contamination and keep the harm at bay. Rather I started learning how to edit photos, master the tricks and basics of understanding the nuances of highlights and shadows and grew a proclivity towards black and white editing. Expressing in monochrome takes a different arch in thought processing where instead of playing with colours, I started appreciating the lights and darkness.
Third — STOP! I will not spill all my secrets altogether in one bin!
I focused more on my academics and currently working towards curating my long-term goal in academia. Maybe I will write about this later, but for now, let’s be contented in controlling and effectively manipulating addictions.
The internet is filled with lies — I often come across posts with headings “7 effective ways to improve your life”, “5 things you should do to regain balance in life” — there is absolutely no number of ways to improve yourself. If you do one activity diligently, you will eventually improve your life, mental health and regain the power to control your actions. Note I didn’t list things like “Go to the gym” or “Stop making excuses” or “Stop playing the victim” or “face your fear”. Personally, I’m not too fond of the gym — you can do exercise if you want to stay active and fit and if this works best for you do it diligently. For me, reading and writing worked best. And when you decide on changing your habits, you are allowing yourself to be moulded — why will you make an excuse then? — Of course, you will never change if you keep applying filters to the process!
I won’t be ending with a maxim or moralistic teachings. I aimed to enlighten you how I changed my noxious habits and made a productive life. But the only truth that is perennial and constant is — Harness your will power which has strength much powerful than Lamborghini’s engine!
Like Charles Bukowski said: “Beware of those who seek constant crowds; they are nothing but alone.”
